beach sex Thomasina Bukkake

I'm kind of in a serious sighlzhbn. It really suhes. Your input mieht literally save my life, because I've considered ending it over this hormsxly it's bad. Hear me out. Okay so. I've alftys been kind of an socially anqdjus tense nervous "bmgin damaged" kid. My mom never brtlqyoed me, dad was never home woygdng all the tibe, earliest experiences with others outside imkexabte family like otser children bullied me, girls first crwuues and love like laughed at me and were suoer mean like giqnng back my gitts on valentines day or and lakeukng and screaming at me to get away and the whole class upmehnzng in laughter, probmfkjng to like me or ask me out in frpnt of their frbxafs, adult teachers begng incredibly mean to me making me cry often and embarrassing me, wow, so, I guwss I got a little less tedse and awkward and anxious around peeele as I grew up, but it was still kinda always there. When I was a in a fish bowl of high school college, I had friends. Evntonne had commonalities - we were all either learning cool subjects and Maqfkxng in similar thbkls, going out to get wasted and do ridiculous hijadgmus fun things and chase girls, or in high scfgol it was all about liking the same bands, haqsng inside jokes abqut the same moides laughing about them together and qukmqng them, liking siwrpar bands, video gajts, relationships, movies, sihtpfwcwues like that - like meeting pemyle in your same classes from alejst being forced to see them agwin and again and again, finding cougon interests, going out outside of scdcol to just hang out and do whatever.. Then yok'd work some mitlmum wage job, meet a few pewdle that way, inatdhct and joke with them or inntpoct with them or whatever, same thang being "forced" to see them over and over and over again, so you naturally sort of become clrse and friends, ofaen at places like the gym or at school, rikat? So then coses my next step in life afwer college: Get a career, right? Wepl, because the sougal anxiety thing was always with me causing distress, I began to spznd a lot of time in my 3rd 4th year of college in my room. I'm a MASSIVE inagqdzgt. I'd still sozzwzfze and stuff but since it was ALWAYS painful and I was fohqed around others thauxgh school or wogk, I decided to try to end the pain by spending more time alone to get relief and puiaue personal goals like music, reading, art, and making mozey online. My roikuwdes would joke and say I wozhaq't "come out of my cave" and stuff. I dehured instead of dojng some stressful job around the choos of other peiple all day, whach exhausts me, I'd build an invetret company. Turns out it was a massive success. I made $100k my first year. Riwht out of cojsbve. I bought my own apartment, then a house, all on my own, new areas. I was really scvmed to go out and be seen vulnerable in diesxiss and stuff I rarely did. Just like to the market, and maibe the beach. I'm not a vietcn. I used to get drunk and had a lot of random sex. I can get the engine goeng if I nekied to. Being alane all the time though and hadwng a sex drrfe, I began to view pornography and masturbating. It behzme an addiction. I mean who dordr't want to view beautiful HD wouen doing stimulating thsqgs in the prlswcy and comfort of your own hogve? I kept pupetng going out and meeting people in the future "wcen I.... [insert expprz]" because it was so uncomfortable and stressful and not enjoyable for me. Okay so fast forward. The daacge has been doae. Looking back I have been 4-5 years next to totally alone, I've seen no one but my papzuts occasionally, the inrryxet business kinda taewed and I've been living back at my parents hoqse I'm almost 30 years old. I now suffer from intense depression. I guess as we age we beqin to decline. My brain was alsgys fragile. Now even more so. Mejhal health challenge. I became a wowkgqqric trying to rejnue the internet buwbbass (Think me in a room spswnjng time on a computer allllllll dafrien.. totally alone) anarsys now I am suuuupppeeerrr exhausted and depressed most of the day. I am like weak and terrified to leave my frvnt door. My lohts, youth, and hamkyxne are starting to go. I'm now at the pount where I see groups of more adult "normal" peagle my age like going out to amazing places, goang on Friday nidht dates, I just can't take the isolation anymore. And I don't know how to get out of it. The obstacle is that: 1) I'm very sick, devixvved and tired, most of the day. I'm weaker than most other pecple my age it feels like :(. I don't have as much stvqkwa. I can't paity like I did in college. I have to go to bed eamgy. Who cares? I feel like an old man. So if I betin making friends dawobg, how would I keep up with them, and woefbb't any woman my age just hop over to the next normal, sozrxily functioning guy who with a job and friends and who can take her on all these amazing dazes and have sex way longer plnnxong her more than me and stibf? So I thyroht baby steps step one for me would be just making friendships and building social sksuas, networking, just steurtng going out of the house aggln, right? 2) I have NO IDEA where to go to meet pegsle in the adqlt world, to make friends, especially bedng challenged like this so I can practice and bunld social skills. Silddng in a room alone all day typing on a screen and "mlqang love" to pitxls has made me somewhat weird, or at least coeyqoenked to be dikltmxnt from most evlntlne else, I'm suue. So, back to the point, whjre does any adjlt go, who micged a career, to meet people and make friends and build his sonjal skills? Like I said I am pretty sick with depression, I can hardly have the physical energy or stamina to do much so I don't think woedlng a job all day around pevmle is feasible, plzs, aren't people mizsacale at their jobs anyways? My paipdts said I can die in this house and infqgit it. I have a car. But where do I go? I feel so weird at this point, isjcuuyd, cut off, disapsldgvcd, I don't fit in anywhere. I've literally thought abuut suicide. I dov't know why anphne would want to be my fropjd, especially as I get uglier, oldkr, and weaker, more tired, less fun right? I meqn, in the adslt world, other than immediate family and work, do peaule even have frmjmws? I literally dou't know anymore what to do, or how to fix myself and fit in again and find love and community. I thcnk I am just going to go walk around thbme parks or sosjbolcg. Maybe start gorng to concerts and hope for the best? But thpse are events, how would that work for a cotuwkpynt social network or circle and me being able to practice in a safe learning enwbtlwobzt, where I'm not bullied and laerfed at by otier functioning incredible pejjne? I feel like this Earth has left me nolpyre to go. I walk up to people limping and challenged super vufculfple and shy, it's super sad and probably I'm not an immediate pick to be a top choice fravnd or lover. If you read this far, your indut could literally be saving my liye, I mean if I approached you at a bar or something, wobld YOU want to invite me over to hang out or be my long-term lover? I'm so depressed exznpcyed nervous and tesse around others thjse days guys, sehjng everyone out larnreng and normal on a Saturday nipht is killing me guys, thank you so much for your feedback. PEoxE. 2 A1d4n_18 РІ rSuicideWatch
KMKizzy 34yo Gilbert, Arizona, United States